


you've been to hell, haven't you?

by Hauno



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, yohane-centric btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-21 23:16:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11954745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hauno/pseuds/Hauno
Summary: Yoshiko's loneliness and Hanamaru's acceptance.





	you've been to hell, haven't you?

Yoshiko Tsushima knew how loneliness felt. From the beginning of her life to now; she’d grown up all by herself. She didn't know why or even understand why others wouldn't talk to her. Was she weird? Too chubby? A crybaby? She didn't know. 

 

So she helped herself. “Yohane” is the name she gave herself the next school year. She thought it sounded intimidating and mysterious, just like herself. 

 

Yoshiko liked fantasy. She remembers her mother always reading her fairytales as a toddler. She still reads those books, sometimes. She loved reading, inserting herself into the book as the main heroes- though, she thought of herself more as a villain. What would Yohane be? 

 

A fallen angel. That's right. An angel casted down from heaven to repent for their sins. Yoshiko thought that fit her perfectly, because nobody wants to be with a sinner. 

 

Hanamaru was different, though. A curious child who was also always reading, who got lost in books, just like Yoshiko did- even though the girl was far more advanced than she'd ever be, reading at a sixth grade level despite being this young. That made Yoshiko just a bit jealous. 

 

“Zura?” Hanamaru muttered, staring at Yoshiko on top of the slide. “What're ya’ doin?” 

 

“Calling other fallen angels, duh!” Yoshiko replied, doing her ordinary stance that other kids stared at. She leapt down in front of Hanamaru, crossing her arms. “And who are you?” 

 

“Maru, zura,” Hanamaru adjusted her bright yellow cap. 

 

Yoshiko laughed, “That would be a good name for a little demon!”

 

“Then I’ll become your little demon!”

 

\---

Good things never last for those disgraced by God, Yoshiko thought. During their middle school years, Hanamaru had moved away and transferred into a different school. The only person that she had as a friend, gone. 

 

To get away from her hectic life; and her depression; though she didn't want to admit she had that- she went online, doing tarot readings, practicing her religion, dressing up in almost embarrassing costumes to make herself look like what she was. A fallen angel. Yoshiko even had a pair of fake wings made for herself. She had a small fanbase and thought that she could be happy, and maybe even make new friends. 

 

But that didn't happen. Yoshiko’s fans were all older than her by far, she hadn't realized then, now she does. It makes her want to vomit. Why was she like this? Why was doing “rituals” and acting fake and narcissistic what made her happy?

 

Yoshiko didn’t know. Her thoughts overwhelmed her, so she reached for the nearest sharp object and got to work on herself. She’d become new. She would herself, she’d change, become likeable- that's all that she had ever wanted. 

 

\---

 

High School is a different type of fear, Yoshiko thinks. All the kids around her were mature, smart, beautiful- But she was still the same, just a bit more careful not to let Yohane out. 

 

Yoshiko walked on the path to her school, dressed in a long sleeved blazer, her hair down with no silly feather in it; she looked normal. Just a normal girl who likes normal things, right?

 

“Yoshiko?” A voice nearby called, accompanying their words with a tug on Yoshiko’s blazer. 

 

“My name is Yohane!! Yohane!” Yoshiko whined, blinked, and realized how it was only the first day of school and she already messed up. “I- I mean- sorry- Wait, are you…” She stared at the figure in front of her, her eyes meeting big golden ones, a gorgeous tanned complexion and locks that could kill a man.

 

“Zuramaru?” Yoshiko blinked, eyeing Hanamaru because she’d grown so perfectly, and the fallen angel in her couldn’t resist looking at cute girls.

 

Hanamaru smiled. “Yoshiko!” She bounced closer, clapping her hands before embracing Yoshiko into a tight, tight hug. “It’s me, zura!” 

 

The warmth of Hanamaru’s body wasn’t bad. Yoshiko could say she liked it, even though she preferred the cold. “Where have you been?” she asked, clutching her friends back and burrowing her face into her shoulder. 

 

“I… went to a different school for a bit, we could just say that.” Hanamaru ran her hands through Yoshiko’s hair. She always was affectionate.

 

“I missed you so much, Hanamaru.”

\---

 

Yoshiko never thought she’d get this far in her life. Going from bouts of loneliness and depression and self harm to- having a group full of supportive friends who only wanted to help her- to be able to have a place to release the fallen angel- to be herself- in front of everyone, on a stage. But here she was, backstage with everyone getting ready. 

 

It stung a bit when Hanamaru wrapped the bandages around Yoshiko’s scarred arm. 

 

“Zuramaru, be careful, it still hurts. They haven’t really healed yet.” 

 

“I know. ...But it seems like you’ve slowed down on doing it, right?” Hanamaru smiled, finishing up the wrapping. She left a kiss on the bandages, leaving a pink-tinted kiss mark on Yoshiko’s arm.

 

Yoshiko sighed, turning her head away. “I have.”

 

Hanamaru held Yoshiko’s hands. “I’m proud of you, zura.” 

 

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you, Hana.” Yoshiko rested her forehead against Hanamaru’s, letting all of the anxiety out of her body.

 

“Now, let’s go out there and sing our hearts out. Okay, Yohane?” Hanamaru winked, letting Yoshiko’s hands out of hers.

 

“Yeah!” Yoshiko replied, knowing with Hanamaru by her side, she’d be able to accomplish anything.

 


End file.
